| Ewwww. I have the flu. Bad.
And I have two tests tomorrow, I've studied, but how much can you study when you're pukey and achy and so sleepy?
I hate it when funky stuff goes around.
But it seems I've given it to people. Whether I'm happy or sad about that, depends on the person. | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment   |
| Yea I have a new computer and yea I have the internet. wireless! So, I'm right now all comfy in bed updating. I really should be sleeping because I have to get up early, but whatever.
 
Those are pictures that I took out of my window. The last one is this really creepy thing, is that supposed to be JESUS? That's on top of the church on the corner. Everytime I see it I want to scream "He's gonna jump" and I don't know why. Probably because I'm mentally disturbed.
I'm still not feeling well. Been to the doctors and it's only making me more confused. But it seems I have spotting, or the pinks, as I call them, daily now. so instead of a monthy cycle I have a daily cycle. Spotting for a few hours. I have no idea what's going on but this is totally unacceptable. And...with all this going on it's just really hard to not think about the hard things like I may never be able to get pregnant.... I dunno.
Today was a crazy day in the city. First, today was the mayor's funeral and it was insane the amount of people who were lining the streets. They showed the funeral on tv. It was very sad, but not sad at the same time.
Then of course the Steelers opened up the NFL season. I could see the fireworks and everything great. I thankfully could not hear the music.
Also today, while driving past Mellon Arena I'm positive that I saw Malkin. Rookie camp did start today... yea hockey soon. So excited.
no one called me today and that makes me kind of sad. Lots of people were calling me yesterday, but I wasn't in the mood to talk.I was really down and in a bad mood and I didn't want to take it out on anyone. well, I did talk to someone on the phone for a little while....sigh. I'm lost.
| | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | listening to the simpsons | | Current Location: | dubois | | Subject: | I'm back | | Time: | 08:27 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/pensive_sr.gif) thoughtful |
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| Well then Friends,
I haven't updated this thing in forever, but everyone else still seems to be updating theirs so I've been reading kiddies.
Part of me wanted to erase all the old entries, but I'm not going to. They're funny/painful which I guess is nostalgia. Jeremy and I are not together anymore...nothing scandalous, I just couldn't take the heartache anymore.
But on the brightside I have a stalker. A redneck, stupid, homophobic, bad dressing stalker. He has pretty eyes but to be honest they're too girly. I don't like boys with prettier eyes than mine.
Other new things? I've moved to Pittsburgh. I have a great apartment with a view of the city. I'm writing a lot and that's mainly what I'll use this journal for, and to bitch...
Bad new things? Having a lot of problems with my girly-ness. My endometriosis is back and I'm having a lot of problems with my ovaries and...everything. It's bad. It's never been this bad before. I'm being vague but I don't want to rant on here until I have a better idea what's going on.
Things that never change?
I still put way too much detergent in the washing machine and I always will. Pssst. Leave me alone.
I still always fall asleep while reading, regardless of how good the book is.
I'm still a raving political lunatic.
There are still two groups of people those as smart as I am and those who aren't. Now time for my famous explantation, I don't think I'm better than most people I think I'm a better PERSON than most people. Big difference and it needs to be ranted about because of all the bullshit I've dealt with lately. I'm honest, I don't lie, I don't backstab, I don't create drama, I'm not an attention whore, I'd do anything for one of my friends, I'm deeply caring (I care too much), I wear my heart on my sleeve and I wouldn't change any of that because it leads to the most intimate relationships. Whether that be an intimate friendship or or an intimate romantic relationship.
My favorite things are still horror movies, hockey, snuggling, having my hair played with/playing with peoples hair, roses, hugs, great books, and naps. I'm a simple creature. Why do people drag this simple creature into such dramatic situation? Why must simple creature get bogged down by negativity? Oh right, I think it goes back to doing anything for someone that I care about.
Simple creature is hoping that all the scenarios at the Dr's office are off. If they aren't, hopefully someone will be there for me to do those simple things that make me happy.
I'm so positive even though I'm sometimes lonely, looking for someone who will put out what I'm willing to put into a friendship or any relationship. There are people that have that potential. I see good things in my friends.
But have you ever had one of those moments where you're looking into someone's eyes and you just have a startling revelation? No, not "I'm in love" but---you realize that you found someone who you think 'gets' you. And in my mind, having someone 'get' you is much better than someone 'loving' you. Now, I love all my friends but I don't 'get' the vast majority of them.
However, 'getting' someone can be a bad thing. There are a lot of people whom all it does is make them defensive. They don't like someone being able to read between the lines of what they're saying or what they're doing.
I actually like stuff like that. I want someone to call me on it if I'm being a shitty person or if I'm keeping something inside.
Uggg I am not going to get into specifics BUT the world would be a much better place if people truly learned how to take care of their own, inner needs. Not going out and looking for someone else to fill those needs or to make them feel good about being them. You should be your own best friend, you should work as hard as you can to take care of your body, your mind, and your spirit. This meditation is one that I've been using for awhile:
MAKING AMMEND
Benefits:
*Promotes psychological healing
*dissolves anger
*Encourages personal responsibility
WHEN
Try this meditation if you feel burdened by guilt or remorse because you have harmed others in the past
Preperation
list the people you have harmed, what you did to harm and your motivation for doing so. Be fearless and thorough in your inventory.
Practice
1. Sit on a coushin or chair in front of your altar or your scacred space. Light a candle. If you believe in God or a higher power, ask him or her for guidance and courage for what you plan to do.
2. Bring to mind the poeple you have harmed, what you did to harm them and why you did so.. Feel sincere regret for what you did.
3. Choose one person you have harmed and write a letter telling them how you harmed them and why you did so. Express your regret and ask for forgivness.
4. After you have written the letter visualize your higher power smiling at you while looking on with love and compassion. Feel the warmth of His or Her acceptance and support in making ammends with the person you harmed.
5. Decide whether you are going to contact the person or let your letter suffice, After you make your decision, feel the guilt evaporate. Generate good wishes, love, and compassion for the person.
END YOUR SESSION
| | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | radio | | Subject: | My tits. | | Time: | 01:34 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/exhausted_sr.gif) drained |
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| Jeremy got here around
3 or 4 yesterday. It was too late to go to the movies, instead we went
to the mall. I had to buy some things for work and I got this great
book of cocktails that I am just *dying* to make. One is called a
Fluffy Duck, oh my. Needed some PEP so I got a banana monkey---which is
expresso, chocolate, and lots of nummy stuff. Gave me my zing---got
dressed and went into work.
It was so dead. I had about 4 people at the bar the whole night. There
was a group of 3 guys that talked my ears off and stared at my tits.
Bastards. Oh well. I'm just glad I wasn't the waitressing because they
were really busy--- which did make me busy since I was getting the
drinks, I just wasn't busy at the bar. I was only there for about
2hrs---had a drink then I went back to my dad's. Jeremy was napping.
Got him up and we went to Perkins. Then ran to wal-mart, then went back
to my moms and I fell asleep----got up this morning, went to perkins
for breakfast (hahaha) and that was it. He had to head back to Somerset
to work. I won't see him again to Tuesday night, which is fine because
I have a final that I need to be studying for.
I really need to get ahold of Frankie---want to see if he wants to have
a party down at the cabin for the 4th of July. Now, he's not
allowed down there since he invites his out of control friends--- but
we know how to act like humans. This isn't going to be the place for
his highschool friends to drink, do drugs, and fuck. I can't
believe that we've been going there for 4 or 5 years now. Lots of good
times--- it's strange thinking back on how much my life has changed
since I was 16/17. It's strange thinking back on the person that I was
when I was that age. Memories.....
I miss hockey still. Phantoms are leading the series I think 3-2. Hopefully they'll lose. Bastards.
But in reality October isn't that far away. Then the Nailers will be back, Baby Pens will be back, and hopefully the NHL.
Blah.Blah.Blah. Have nothing to talk about.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | my tummy growling. | | Subject: | Rainy Saturday | | Time: | 11:27 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/awake_sr.gif) awake |
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| Just a rainy, crappy saturday. My mom's computer was messed up and it was telling me that it was June 1st and I was like *holy shit! my rent is due!*. Then I remembered, ....it's May 28th. So yeah, my rent is due in like 4 days that isn't really that less scary to be honest.
Yesterday was the last day of Newman's class. He had us all worried about this 'oral exam' that he was giving us, but it was painless. He just asked us a bunch of riddles---it was hilarious. But at first we talked about the double edged sword dealing with womens reproductive issues. He didn't know that you couldn't get your tubes tied until you were in your early 30's and had a child already. So we were complaining about the 'system' that tells you "abortion is wrong, use birth control, don't get pregnant." but then that same system allows pharmacies to not give you birth control and doctors won't tie your tubes. *BUT* men can get Viagara no problem and men can get vasectomies. Makes you think.
Ooooh the bill that would have removed 19,000 women from support combat rules has failed. Yes! The army stepped in. Thank God some people in this country have this thing called COMMON SENSE. What is with this country? I don't know. Seriously I *wish* I could be blind to all this stuff, my life would be so much happier---but I'm not. But let's not get into political discussions-- it makes my brain hurt.
Then I went back to my house to bid on the Surovy jersey. Which I won, as you all know. To quote Chandler from FRIENDS: "Oh, I'm going to miss being able to afford food." hahahaha, remember that episode when Monica bought those boots?
Hahahaha, alright I'll be able to afford food fine. Since I eat at Sheetz and cook stuff from Super Wal-Mart. Which is a banging deal. Seriously I made two filet's, fried pots, and this awesome french bread for 2 people for $10. Ok, *I* didn't make it---Jeremy did, but whatever. But that is also why super wal-mart *is* the devil because soon I will not be able to shop anywhere else because they will all be out of buisness.
Came up to DuBois and went to get something to eat with my Mom. Then had to go buy a new pair of black dress pants and a white shirt for work. Ooooh my wallet it groaning...why am I too old for my parents to try to buy my love? Come on, they're getting a divorce---who loves me more...show of bills?!?! Yeah, I am the worst ever. I know.
Work was pretty easy despite the fact that everything behind the bar was giving me shit. The one tap kept spitting foam at me...the other one was tapped. The register hates me. But last night was my last night of training. Come 7pm tonight I am one hot and sexy bartender.
After work I went up to my dad's. Eventually Frankie called. He wanted to go to Perkins. He said he'd meet me there but he was 'busy'. So he's like "no, leave in 15 minutes I'll be there by then." I left 50 minutes later and I still had to wait. Then Andrew and Boo-er came with us, we were all taking pictures of the inside of our throat with our phones. And Andrew has this AWESEOME picture of big frank eating a cheeseburger. hahahahaha. I was falling asleep so I left around 12:30 or 1:00am. We talked long about him moving in---I said if he wants to he can. I don't care. This fall I will be so busy with classes, work, and hopefully with seeing the nailers, baby pens, and pens. I miss hockey so much.
Jeremy is coming up here to spend the weekend with me, at least I think he is. I want to go see a movie---then I work. But I should be out of there by 10 or so, then we have the rest of the night together.
Welp, I'm hungry. Think I'm going to perkins. Yum. And I really need a carmel mocha ...double shot. Gotta perk up. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | This weekend I'm going to work on my livejournal and that means making it FRIENDS ONLY. If you aren't on my list,wait a few days, and when I switch it over leave a comment. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| *Head FUCKING explodes*
I had the most infuriating day in class yesterday---well not really, it
*was* funny but it kind of lost its charm and it made my brain hurt. I
don't know how it happened but we started talking about prisoner abuse.
I was half asleep, like nodding my head until some girl said, "I agree
with what they did and understand it." then she was asked to explain
and of course she went into the whole "my boyfriend is a marine, thus
I'm a giant seacow, and I know everything"
After this my ears perked up. Then she started going on and on about
how she doesn't believe women have any place in the military. People
were firing back at her about this---so she kept saying "That's not
what I mean", So Newman was like, "So you don't think you have a place
in the military?" And she goes "No, I don't think any woman has a place
in the military" SAY WHAT YOU MEAN WOMAN. I hate it when someone says
something that someone disagrees with (because it's ignorant) and
they're like just won't come out, stand up, and say THIS IS WHAT I
BELIEVE IN. If you did that, at least I would respect you. I basically
just said that if we expect things like rape to happen in the military
and prisoner abuse----that's one step closer to accepting it. And we
can not accept it. Keeping women out of the military is NOT the answer
to the problem and accepting prisoner abuse isn't either. Then she went
back to "Well, my boyfriend says...." Speak for yourself.
Then Newman drops the 'bomb' all he said was "Abortion!" And of course,
this girl is like "Oh no, don't even get me started." and I'm
thinking...Please, don't. So she was asked what she thought about
abortion and she laughed cockily and was like, "Simply? Keep! Your!
Legs! Closed!" *ohmyfuckinggod myheadexploded*
I don't care if you're pro-life, that's great. I totally respect that.
But don't make sex totally ok for men, but something totally dirty and
derogatory for women. "Keep your legs closed" that's depicts such a
disguting picture of sex. And for the matter I can have sex with my
legs closed... THANK YOU!
That is my biggest pet peeve. People are going to have sex, and that's
OK! Then of course comes the, oh a baby is so wonderful, but if you
open your legs, face the consequences.
Do my ears decieve me?
Is it a WONDERFUL thing or is it a punishment?
I hate people like that. That look turn sex into a crime for a woman,
seriously. Be pro-life! That's fine. But leave it about abortion, not
about harassing and degrading women.
Ok, I'm done.
So the rest of the day I was thinking snide, evil things in my
head...... hahaha, but how is that different from normal? I did so much
homework. Wrote a paper. Did not start my research like I planned even
though I have a bibliography due on friday for my term paper. BLAST!
Had a really shitty salad from Quizno's yesterday. That's just
the kind of day it was.
My night class was alright, certainly went well for being like 3 hours and 45 minutes.
Broke my glasses. Which I need to be sexy while driving at night....legally.
| | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | *cries* | | Time: | 10:35 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/sad_sr.gif) sad |
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| Last night I was so excited to see that the Pens were up 3-1 going into
the 3rd. Then lost my mind went Surovy scored about 30 seconds in. It
was his second goal of the night and he had two assists. Very excited.
Game 3 he looked like his leg was hurting him a lot. Andy was playing
amazing....
and then it happened. What it was, I can't explain. Other than it was a
nightmare. Philly scored. 4-2. Philly scored again....4-3. I just
*knew* it was out of control at that point. They were making these
horrible turnovers, people were breaking their sticks, losing their
sticks---and Philly just kept going for the throat. Pens lost 7-4.
That's it, out of the playoffs..... It broke my heart, seriously.
Especially since Surovy was having the game of his life. Woke up in
utter disbelief. I never thought a team could do that in the
playoffs---but Jeremy told me the Edmonton Oilers did it back when they
had Gretsky, Messier, and such---they were winning 5-0 and ended up
losing like 6-5. Hopefully the boys can learn from it. Just, after last
year losing in the finals--- I was there the game they went down 3-0.
It went into overtime and you could just tell that it was about to be
over. I remember Koltsov just couldn't get the puck out, Orpik was
scrambling...*sigh*
Oh well. I love them regardless they are the future of Pittsburgh....
so on a happy note!
You know whose ass he is kicking here? Nittymakii's! grr! he IS the
better goalie, hands down. I was at this game last year, one of the
best moments in hockey ever. Hahahaha, he was such a bad ass.And I totally met that badass and chatted with him outside the war memorial.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| Bad dog! And by dog, I mean Jeremy. Last night he was so hard to sleep with. First he was snoring-- this horrible loud, gurgling. Then he was getting grabby, kicking, smacky----I was thinking, are there any other body parts you'd like to smack me with?!?! hahaha. He was shoving me off the bed....I was so pissed. I was about to go find a newspaper and SMACK him with it and start screaming "BAD DOG" and tell him to "GO LAY DOWN'....on the couch. Not even kidding. I finally fell asleep at like 5am when he started this, I had to get up after 8 for class.
I was a zombie. Had to go to turn in my topic for history. He asked for a specific thing---and I just rambled, hahaha I'm sure there was a topic somewhere in what I said. Fred has done really good on her quizzes (I'm called Fred in that class.....ermm....) well, I've done good until today. I swear I wrote 3 incomplete, incoherent paragraphs. Meh. I did perfect on the other ones, so I'm not worried and I'm going to nail my paper.
Yesterday was so long. I got up at about 7. Went to class---which was good as always. Just a lot of reading. The rest of the day I read a greek tragedy. All I wanted to do was nap, but people kept calling me. So I go to class at 6pm and we aren't done until about 9:45pm. We watched a production of the play we read and it was the worse thing I've ever seen in my life. It was trying to be authentic so with elaborate costumes and masks and it just annoyed me. Heralod looked like the jolly green giant, one of the old men looked like Osama Bin Laden, and the watchman sounded like Grounds Keeper Willy. To make it better it was totally authentic, as in MEN playing women---and this guy is like shaking his hips, waving his hands, like the worse drag queen ever, I'm thinking...have you ever seen a woman in your life? Argh. So that was one LONGGGGG class.
Fell asleep while trying to do my homework. Jeremy got at my place about 11:30. Wanted to get something to eat, I was exhausted but I love him so I went. And ended up getting sick---throwing up. NO idea what that was about. Think I was just tired, blech. Then I got home and he was tinkering with his new camera, and tinkering, and tinkering---then he fell asleep and I just never did even though I was so damn tired. I hate it when that happens...........
LETS GO BABY PENS! I'm keeping the faith! They *could* come back from this, they are the better team. They just need to stay out of the box. I don't want hockey to end......NO!!!!
But, at least the NHL will be back next year. Not sure exactly with who/what--- but that doesn't matter. I miss my Penguins. I love the Baby Pens, but they're the whole way on the northeast side of the state and I'm like---south-west-centralish....stuff. I dunno it's fucking far from Johnstown to Wilkesbarre. I'm totally pumped to do it for the playoffs but not normally, too tiring.
Also I HATE ARBY's. I went there to get lunch for me and Jeremy. Got a beef and cheddar combo and him a chicken, bacon, and swiss combo. I waited at least 20 minutes---because they were too busy filling orders of fat people in SUV's in the drivethru wanting 4 fucking beef and cheddars and like 6 regulars.. I kid you not. I was about to run back there, steal my food, and run out the door. So then they FINALLY call my order---I get home...nummy, nummy. FUCKING HAM WHATEVERS. bastards. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | damnit | | Time: | 11:31 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/bored_sr.gif) bored |
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| *sigh*. Jeremy's rather ill :( Now,
neither of us felt good when we woke up monday morning, but I know that
mine went away, so I just sort of figured that his did too. But, I
guess he's been unbelievably sick since Monday. He called me this
morning and he sounded bloody awful. I could hardly understand him. He
said he was going to go to the hospital the other day, but he started
brining congestion up so...apparently that means he's getting better.
Not sure if I understand the logic behind that. I really worry about
him. He's been so run down, stressed, and overworked---it was only a
matter of time before something like this happened. He's spent the past
few days in bed, so I hope that he's kicked it out of his system.
Should be calling me in the morning---he has a lung infection at the
very least, I can tell.
Kinda bummed because I had an amazing surprise planned for us this
weekend. We were supposed to go to Pittsburgh, but instead I got us
tickets to Game 6 of the AHL playoffs, Baby Penguins vs Senators. They
called up Andy Chiodo! Thrilled! Game 3 went into 3OT's before Colby
Armstrong scored to get us the win! Then the next game Andy had a
shut-out. Baby Pens were ranked I think 7th, Senators are #2 (I think).
We were down 2-0 but it's going to be a big comeback, I know it. Have a
feeling that they'll take the series in game 6 on Sunday.
The seats I got are pretty banging. Center Ice. Club Seats. Eight rows
up. I believe penalty box side. Not sure what I'm going to do. I told
him the surprise, since I felt bad keeping a surprise from him while
he's sick, haha. He said he'll go and that he'll feel better. If
he doesn't he wants me to go with someone else. I'd just feel guilty
leaving him when he's really sick----but yeah I already paid for the
tickets. I guess we'll just have to see. Sunday is still a few days
away. The game is at 5:00. When we leave depends on whether or not
we're in Johnstown or DubCity.
Had my post-op appointment Wednesday. It went alright I suppose.
They're going to look into the hospital records to try to figure out
what gave me that reaction, but they said it could have been a
combination of the medicines that they gave me as well.
My throat is healing. There are still a few scabs back there and it's
rather raw. She said it'll probably be another 2 weeks before it feels
normal. That kinda sucks, although to be honest I don't really notice
it all that much---but it does hurt. I have some scabbing in my nasal
passage, which is why I keep getting nose bleeds. That should heal soon.
The scale at the Dr's office had to be off. I refuse to believe I
weight that little. I mean I look crappy---but not that crappy. It
weighed me at 102lbs. In reality it's probably right, hahaha I'm just
being outraged and offended regardless. I *hate* be bony and sickly
looking. Can't wait to be sexified again. Jeremy did say that I
looked----like a starved version of my curvy self. My boobs---have been
depleted, I am not kidding.
Jeremy still has droolingly toned abs under his tiny belly. Hahaha,
seriously if he lost like 10lbs he'd melt into a Sex God. But I love
him just the way he is. He just *can't* have a body like that, just
like my ass isn't allowed to get any nicer. Damnit, we have other
things to do.
My jaw is still sprained, what the hell! How long is it going to be until I can shove my whole fist in there again?
Ho-Hum. My digital camera is being a bitch---I can not get a decent picture of the rings that Jeremy gave me. Blast!
Hmm.... think I shall go to bed. Sleepy and my throat is kinda 'blech'.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| Right now, I'm drinking pineapple-vomit tasting pain medicine. Blech! Alright now to my surgery.
I didn't sleep at all. I had to get up at about 4:30 in the morning and
had to be at the hospital in Punxy by 5:30 am. I spent most of the
drive there bitching---because I could. I was dying of thirst but I
couldn't drink anything. We get to the hospital and I'm in the
pediatric section. So there are screaming children everywhere and I'm
thinking "oh this is just jolly good fun". They give me my gown, and
stupid booties and stupid hat. And of course I have to undress
completely---which always confuses me. I'm getting surgery on my
sinuses ---why must I take my underwear off? I'm quite attached to my
panties. Thank you.
The woman comes in to get my IV started and my little hands do not want
to work. She smacks them, flicks them, but she can't find my veins. So
she puts it right down by the nob in my wrist bone---which is horribly
uncomfortable. I keep feeling it poke me and I hate having to look at
it.
Soon I start to feel sick. I don't throw up because I have nothing to
throw up---but I do dry heave. The nurse comes in and gives me
something that's supposed to help with my nerves but warns it may make
me giddy or giggly. LIAR! I didn't even get a freebie with the drugs.
Enter Todd. Todd was acting very polite to me because I was a pretty
girl. He's probably close to my age. However he didn't know this at
first because I was in pediactrics! So he said something like "well get
you back to school in no time." And my mom said, "oh no, she's in
college. She's 21" So then the cute boy-nurse starts flirting with me.
*sigh*
Him and this other guy were the ones who took me into the operating
room. It was kinda surreal and a very odd conversation to be having
before surgery. Now I know that they always talk to you to try to make
you feel relaxed but... it was just strange. They asked me about my
major, what I wanted to do, what I liked doing--- it was like flirting,
but professionaly. He gave me some dope in my IV and said I was going
to feel like I had about 5 beers. Then they were the ones who hooked me
up to the EKG and everything---and it was cold. And two reasonably cute
boys my age were sticking things on my body. Talk about feeling
vulnerable.... but that didn't last too long. I scored a heated
blanket! and then the drugs started to kick in. So I figured that
having two guys who thought I was hot look after me had an upside---I
would be less likely to die I'm sure.
Then came the funny gas to put me to sleep. Which I fought pretty well.
I was floating half in and half out. I remember the doctor coming in. I
remember thinking "When the hell am I going to fall asleep?" and the
next thing you know I'm in the recovery room.
I didn't not come out of the surgery well. I was moaning. They were
trying to ask me questions but it was like they were so far away and I
couldn't find my voice. She asked me if I could roll over and I
couldn't work up the brain power to figure out how to roll over. I was
just so damn drugged. So eventually---someone rolled me over and I got
a nice shot in the bum that I didn't even feel. There were ice packs
around my face. People kept trying to talk to me---and yeah I just
wasn't there. I thought that after they gave me the shot they took me
right out but I guess I was in there for another half hour or so. I
kept drifting in and out.
My mom was really worried because my surgery took so long. I guess
there were some problems, although I'm not really sure what they were.
He generally takes him about 10 minutes to do the surgery, people are
back from it in like 40 minutes. I was gone for about 2hrs.
I only remember bits and pieces of what happened next. I was brought
back into the short stay place where my mom was. My mom said that my
face looked swollen. My lips looked really, really swollen. They said
that was normal. It was probably just from the surgery. I was half out
of it and not answering her questions but I guess I kept scratching at
my neck and mumbling about how I couldn't swallow and how I couldn't
breathe right. Well my mom calls the nurse in and she see's how swollen
my lips are. Then she sits me up and there are huge hives all over my
back and my neck and a rash on my front. So she hurries and calls for
one of the Doctors. Someone comes in and looks at my throat and it's
swollen and it's starting to close up.
I was having a severe allergic reaction to something that they gave me.
So my mom is freaking out and I have no idea what's going on---because
I'm in a drug induced stuper. Someone comes and gives me a shot of one
thing. Then someone else comes and gives me a shot of something else.
Then someone comes up and gives me two breathing treatments. One that's
medicated and another that's just warm mist. I don't remember much of
this, I only remember that I wanted to go to sleep. I had no
recollection of how serious what I had just went through was--- well,
how serious it could have been. I had a horrible allergic reaction--but
I was in the hospital, so I was in the best place to have it. But yeah,
I forgot about that right away and I was confused as to why the nurse
kept coming back to look to see if I had a rash.
Pain medicine wasn't really working. She gave me some more and then
checked to make sure that wasn't what gave me the reaction. It wasn't.
I *think* it was the shot that they gave me---but the thing is I
thought it happened right after that when in fact it was like a half
hour later. They aren't sure what it was, it's something that I'm going
to have to talk with my doctor about. Because certainly don't want that
to happen again.
Eventually they let me go because I was drinking enough. Although I
didn't want to eat---but that's to be expected. I'm home now and at the
moment feeling ok because the pain medicine I have now is good. The
first pain medicine he gave me was crap---and I didn't sleep at all
last night and I felt miserable all day. But yeah, now I gots the good
stuff. So it's all a-ok.
Jeremy called me today, although I couldn't really talk since my throat
was so swollen. It still is. And I still can't really talk but he's
going to call me after work anyway. He's trying to make up for the
major fuck up. But like I said, I'm not mad at him. I love him---and
that means loving him when he's an idiot and a jerk face too. I just
hope he realizes what he did wrong--which was not listening to me and I
hope he won't do that again, at least when it comes to something
serious like this.
I'm not allowed to go anywhere for a week. Which blows. Although I
don't really want to go anywhere anyway, but that's besides the point.
I can't really eat---and that sucks. I can't really taste anything and
my nose is soooo stuffy. My nose is swollen and kind of black and blue,
as are my eyes. I'm just so glad it's over. Now probably about 80% of
my medical problems are going to be solved. This was making me so damn
sick. Now I just have to get my allergies under control and I will go
back to feeling fabulous. Which I'm looking forward to.
Our anniversary is next wednesday! So that's another thing to look
foward to! Then... I think Jeremy is moving in next month at some
point. So that's another thing to look forward to.
Of course him not being there through this has sucked, a lot. But I'll
get over it. And this weekend he's going to take care of me and love
me---and we're going to watch any movie that I want. He's gonna make me
soup. Tra-lalalalalalalalala.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| The
boy and I had a fight on Tuesday night. I just wanted to vent about
it--although I am over it. Then I will update on my surgery (blech)
Alright. The plan was that Jeremy was going to come up after work
Tuesday night and stay with me that night. Then take me to the hospital
in the morning and he'd leave when he had to go to work. Well, he came
up earlier than expected but told me that he had to leave that night
because he had to work super early the next morning. now that made me
sad, very sad. I tried to half heartedly bribe him (hahahaha with head
and ciggy-butts, no I'm not proud of that, but I was only half
serious...so it's ok). He was getting really stressed and felt awful
and I just kept making him feel even worse. Then I was pissed at myself.
But basically---this was all his fault. When I called him that night at
work he was really, really worried about me. I thought that he had to
go though (since he was at work) and told him that I'd just talk to him
the next day. Basically I had everything that I wanted to say
planned---but it didn't go very well. I could tell from the beginning
that he was distant, he didn't really want to talk about it, he felt
bad that he couldn't come---and that was it. I *knew* I was making him
upset but I didn't get why. So I didn't go into the horrid details that
the doctor had told me because I didn't want him to think that I was
just trying to guilt him into it.
Now, Jeremy didn't think I was lying. But he thought I was being *me*.
He thought that I was worrying too much, I was just focussed on the
worse case scenario---and he just played it all up to my nerves.
Basically he didn't take it seriously. He had the surgery done when he
was little, so did his mom, ---and it hadn't been a big deal. He felt
bad that he couldn't be there of course---but he didn't think it was a
serious situation, just more of an inconvience.
So when his boss asked him "Is this a serious surgery?" He said no.
But if he only would have listened to me---he would have known different.
Well, his mom talked to his aunt who had her adenoids removed---and she
told a much worse story. That's when Jeremy got concerned. Apparently
his aunt said everything that the Doctor told me. So that's when it
went off in his head that I wasn't just being *me* I was being dead
serious.
But he hadn't taken me seriously. It was too late to take off. He felt
like a total jerk. He was honest with me and it upset me because I
didn't get why he didn't take me seriously. I tried so hard to get it
across to him and he just wasn't listening. And that's what he told me,
he wasn't listening and he was sorry. So that *really* upset me and
hurt my feelings. Which he understood. He said it was all his fault and
well, I agreed.
I wasn't really pissed--- I was just more hurt. Sometimes he does
things that are so totally out of character and this is one of them. It
isn't like him to tune me out.
Well--after all this the night was really stressful. All I wanted to do
was him to be there. Now that we both knew how bad it was going to be,
it--- just made it so much harder. I was crying. Then he cried because
he felt like such a jerk and was so pissed at himself, because if he
just would have listened to me---then we wouldn't have been in that
situation.
I did tell him that I was pissed that I had told him that it was a big
deal---and then he went and told his boss that it wasn't. That's what
really pissed me off--- I know I exagerate sometimes, but I kept
stressing to him how serious I was and he was just not listening for
whatever reason.
He explained to me why he couldn't take off last minute. The 'boss' is
going to retire soon. And if Jeremy plays his cards right---he might be
the one in charge. He's going to be getting more set hours, full time,
with insurance---- and him taking off at the last minute. When no one
else could cover, could put that in jeopardy. Now looking back I
realize this---but I was being selfish and a bitch because I was upset
that he didn't take me seriously.
So we got into this sudden explosive argument. We were outside and he
was going to leave and he said something really mean (I don't even
remember what it was) and he was taking my bags into the house and he
said it just felt like God kicked him in the stomach. He ran into the
bathroom and he just started puking his guts out. So then of course my
nurturing side kicked in---and when he came out he said right away that
he was sorry, he didn't mean what he said, and that was it. I didn't
mean whatever it was that I said either. So we just snuggled for awhile
and talked it out.
He understood that I was mad at him, but he was more mad at himself. He
said he'd be up Saturday night after he worked and would stay with me
until monday before work. He said he'd make it up to me or at least
show me how sorry he was. I told him he didn't have to, I know he's
sorry. I just don't get why he did what he did. But he said he's going
to bring me flowers and we can eat ice cream and just watch movies and
stay in bed all weekend.
It was really hard for me that he couldn't be there. But---is it worth
getting uber upset about? No. We've been together forever---but he
fucked up big time this time. And I've fucked up big time before as
well. It isn't worth dwelling over.
Now...I will tell you about the surgery.....
| | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 01:03 pm | | Current Mood: | rejected |
|
| *everything is ok*
God, don't you love it when NOTHING is fucking ok, but you have to
pretend that it is--- just so that someone else doesn't feel bad
because you're feeling bad? And did that make any sense?
Alright, I am left feeling like a total jerk-face, and I shouldn't.
Alright--little backround on my wonderful Jeremy. When something is
bugging Jeremy--he pretends that it doesn't exist. He's really worried
about me being sick, he's really worried about my surgery, he really
wants to be there with me--- so of course he just pretends that it
isn't happening. Because that's so much easier in the mind that is
Jeremy. So....he doesn't ask to have off work.
Now he's playing the "what do you want me to do?" Card. "Do you want me
to say that I can't work because you're getting surgery?" Yes. Yes that
is exactly what I want you to do. Yes, I understand that it's your job.
And I normally don't bitch. I didn't bitch when you had to work on
Christmas. I didn't say anything when the plans I had made had to be
canceled so you could cater (literally) to someone else's plans. I
didn't say anything when you had to work on Valentines Day until 10pm.
In fact, I cooked a nice dinner. Then 11:30 came around and you weren't
there. Then 2:30am came around. Then you finally called me, as I am
worried sick that you are fucking *dead*. You got into a fight with the
psycho ex-boyfriend of the girl who works at the bar. You both went to
the hospital. You almost went to jail. Our valentines day was ruined.
Did I care? No. Shit happens. You're going to have to work on our
anniversary. We don't know when we can go away for the weekend to New
York City. The job that we though would be 3-4 days a week, set hours,
has turned into every fucking day. I know there is no one else that can
do it on Wednesday. I know that your 'boss' won't care about my surgery
because she needs you to cook the hamburgers at the bar.
But you know what? I DON'T CARE. I am always understanding. I am always
patient. I always suck it up. But this time I can't. I *need* you--and
I don't care if someone else does too because I *NEVER* need you.
Someone else always does.
I don't find myself to be self centered just because I think that me
getting surgery that is going to leave me in pain and vomitting---and
wanting comforted---to be more important than work for one night.
What the hell is she going to do? FIRE HIM? Good! He hates the job
anyway. Heaven forbid he's actually an employee somewhere instead of
property.
If he doesn't see me the day of my surgery---I don't know when he will
see me again. He works Thursday. He works Friday. He works Saturday
probably. He always has things that he has to do for his grandma and
mom on Sunday's (which is fine). But then guess what? It's monday
again. Repeat. Then it's our anniversary. Then it's fucking wednesday.
Thursday. Friday. Ohhh--wait? Does someone else have something planned
for Jeremy on Saturday?
It is not outside the realm of possibility that the whole two weeks
will pass and I will not see him. If it was just the day of my surgery,
I would be fine with that---I would take a little extra care the next
day, or the next, or the weekend. But it won't be just that day. It
will be *every* day and I am NOT ok with that. I think it's insane to
assume that I would be. I can't help the way I feel. I can't help that
it hurts me. I'm a person. I'm not perfect. I'm not made of stone, and
I can't do this alone.
He said he'll ask tonight. Don't know why----when he knows what the
answer is going to be. He says he'll call me tomorrow. Says he thinks
he can see me this saturday. Says that if I want him to he'll be here
Tuesday. He'll take me to the surgery on wednesday morning.
No. I don't want that. I don't want that because him coming up here
only to leave, is just going to make him feel worse than I have
apparently already made him feel. It will only make me feel worse. I'd
much rather feel bad on my own. While he goes into his little world
where this is not happening.
I hate feeling like this is somehow my fault. I hate feeling like a
jerk for asking my boyfriend of 3yrs to be there for me. I hate feeling
like a jerk because I need him.
This has been going on for 3yrs and I hate it. I hate having to do it.
Sometimes I just keep thinking that eventually the bottom is going to
fall out---it's going to become too much. Because things are never
going to change. And that scares the hell out of me. It scares me that
I love him so much, that he loves me so much, that we're so fucking
perfect together---but that it might not work out because I don't know
if I can do this forever. It is so fucking hard. I try not to break
down, because I don't want to ruin the good thing that we have. So I
just pretend that I'm fine. That it'll all be fine. But it isn't
anymore.
And I don't know how to tell him that.
And if I do, what's he going to do? There is nothing to do.
So he can come up here on Saturday. We can go to a movie. We can go out
and get drunk at the bar with some friends. We can just be
normal---although in reality we can't be.
Really, I'm so pissed at myself because I can't promise that I won't
hold this against him, even if I don't mean to. It hurts too much. I
can't help that. All I want is for him to make it better because he
could make it better. I am so sick of hearing "what do you want me to
do?"
I want you to do something.
| | comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Figured you Out | | Subject: | ON FIRE! | | Time: | 12:33 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/stressed_sr.gif) stressed |
|
| I caught myself on fire!!! That's just how awesome I am.
First, this weekend has been the weekend from hell. So, I was getting
ready to take a nice relaxing bath and read my book. H ad candles lit
and my new Lavender body wash from Bath and Body Works (also bought
some great citrus stuff). I'm leaning over to turn off the
water.....and the tie on my capri sweatpants catches on FUCKING FIRE!
It's quite disturbing when you look down and realize your crotch may be
engulfed in flames. Hahahaha! But no harm came out of it---although I
do think that I need a new pair (so it's back to Old Navy).... I also
think God is telling me to die.
HOWEVER, Friday night was totally rockin---got to hang out with a bunch
of people. I will talk about that after I vent about the awful weekend.
Now, it wasn't awful between Jeremy and I---we're cool. Just busy and
stressed. Of course this all started with a trip to Denny's! We wanted
to go to Chili's, but it was just too damn busy since it just opened. I
haven't been there since I went with Ryan, years ago. There are just
none around here. Denny's was wonderful---we ate breakfast and
chatted and laughed. Then we went to the mall where we did too much
shopping. I bought two really nice polo shirts at Aeropostale and
a pair of sunglasses. Then I bought a pair of PJ pants at Victoria's
Secret. A pair of earrings that I have to take back because they don't
look right on me. And then another pair of sunglasses at Hot Topic.
Jeremy bought...a Johnny Cash shirt at Hot Topic, Sunglasses, and some
wallet from Spencers. We were total shopaholics.
OH! We also bought this totally lame movies. First we bought THE GATE
(guys remember that?!?!?) and then we got SLEAZY SLASHERS! They
are like the cheeziest horror movies ever! We watched one already
called BACKWOODS, it's fucking great. It's about a transvestite
retarded genius that goes on a killing spree of average proportions.
Hahahaha and the woods are haunted by something that's called
MANGINA!......... *LOL* THE THIRST GROWS!!!
Alright, so Sunday morning comes. That generally means DENNY's.
Well---the one car won't start (Jeremy's) so we go to Wal-Mart to get
jumper cables (since I lost mine). We're jumping his car and notice
there's steam coming off my car. My damn radiator has a crack in it.
Hairline, but still... I can't afford to get a new radiator. We
go to Wal-Mart to buy a new battery for the Nissan and to look for
something for my radiator. My landlord is there. Now, my landlord is a
really nice guy---but he'll talk to us for hours. He was in the aisle
we needed for like 20 minutes I swear. We bought the battery and left.
Hook it up---car still won't fucking work. Jeremy's pissed. We go back
to Wal-Mart and I buy a toolset (because I need one really bad) and my
landlord is still there! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! in the SAME AISLE! I am not
kidding. However, eventually he leaves and we buy what I need to seal
the crack on the radiator.
We didn't do anything the rest of the night. I caught
myself on fire. We got something to eat at Sheetz and that was it.
Although Jeremy and I did decide that we were going to go on a diet and
start working out. Well, really for me the diet is getting back on my
low-carb diet. I just haven't had the time to cook lately so I've been
slacking. It isn't about weight loss to me, it's that I feel ten times
better when I don't eat a lot of wheat or anything overly processed.
It's also a diet that a person with endometriosis should follow. Thus,
it isn't about losing weight. It's about feeling good.
Jeremy and I just eat really unhealthy because everything has
been hectic. We're at Sheetz and Denny's constantly. We don't normally
eat like this. We both love veggies, fruits, and fish. And it
sucks because I really want some fucking grilled eggplant--- it's just
such a pain in the ass. But, we're going to start eating healthier
because we'll both feel better. We're also going to stop drinking soda.
Although he'll probably switch to diet because he has a caffeine thing.
Me? I hate diet soda, so I'll just give it up all together. I prefer
FIGI water or fuze anyway. But giving up Dr. Pepper will be hard
and Cherry Coke at the movies. Ah well though. Soda is really fucking
crappy for you.
We're also going to start working out. Ok, not really. We're going to
rollerblade and ice skate more. I'm probably going to start lifting
more weights and jogging---because I really want to play soccer this
coming fall. I might join a rec team in the summer just to get back
into it. I practice a lot on my own. Oddly, I think I'm a better
ball handler now. My passing is decent, but I really need to work on my
shooting.... I don't have a lot of power behind it, which is why I'm
going to start working out my legs. Jeremy might start playing
hockey if he has time and I'm going to take a clinic in the summer, I
just want to find someone who's willing to take it with me, ya know?
Now I *know* how to play. I can skate good (Jeremy helped me with
backwards and moving sideways better) and I can pass, I can shoot, I
understand the rules--- it's just that you have to take the clinic to
enter into any of the leagues. Besides, it's an excuse to work out.
Things really are great between Jeremy and I---however, bah his work
sucks. I don't think he's going to be there for my surgery--- (next
wendesday) and I mean that means a lot to me, although there's really
nothing he can do. Then, the next wednesday is our anniversary. ....
don't want to talk about it. Blah.
Friday was a really good night
though! I met Frankie at the mall at like 8 and we walked around a bit.
Then we went to Perkins (of course!) Later Young, Al, and Tyler
showed up and I haven't seen any of them in like--forever. So it was
fun. Then we all hopped into, well Frankie's girlfriends car since it
was the only car that would fit all of us! I hit the panic button and
Frankie couldn't figure out how to turn off the alarm--it was
hilarious. Of course I knew how to turn it off, but...no. It being on
was much more funny.
We drove around a bit then went to my house and, hahahahahahaha
Yeah................. :-) Then Frankie drove me to the bar and I
had two drinks with Young and Alyssa. I would have stayed longer, and I
wanted to, but I had already promised Tanya and Trevor that I would
come over and play Mario Party 6! So Frankie and I went over there and
I was all drunk. Trevor was already going to bed so I didn't really get
to see him and I really don't see him at all anymore :-( But
Tonya and I had a good time playing Mario Party and Frankie just kinda
sat there, stoned out of his damn mind, and said things occasionally.
Haha, everyone's probably thinking "Well, what the hell is
so great about that night?" Meh! I just haven't been with them for a
long time and it's nice to have those random conversations:
"Who's Terri Schiavo---A hockey player?" (Alyssa)
"Tyler, aka CHERRYBOMB DIVA" (teee-hehehehe)
"The trick is, you gotta suck like you're not sucking at all" (Frankie)
^ That's why.
Alright, well I got a doughnut with Rainbow Sprinkles that is just
BEGGING ME to eat it..... tomorrow I diet. I swear to God because
eating the wonderful little doughnut will make me sick, make no doubt
about it.
| | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Have you ever..
x. Fallen for your best friend - *Sigh* Yes. And we would probably still be friends if we could have gotten of that.
x. Been rejected - Not in love, but I've been abandoned in friendship.
x. Been in love - Twice.
x. Used someone - I didn't appreciate someone as much as I should have.
x. Been used - I think so.
x. Done something you regret - There are only a few things that I regret.
The last person..
x. You touched - Cuddling with Jeremy (wednesday) at 6am because I was cold..
x. You talked to - Tanya (Trevor's GF)
x. You instant messaged - ...hmmm not sure.
x. You yelled at - Angry yelling? Dunno. In general? Frankie.
x. You laughed with - Tanya
x. You had a crush on - ....Andy Chiodo :-)
x. Who broke your heart - Meh.
Do you..
x. Color your hair - Not really anymore, although I do highlight it in the summer.
x. Have tattoos - No, but I *might* get one on my hip, but I don't wanna look whorish.
x. Piercing - Just my ears.
x. Floss daily - Maybe.
x. Own a webcam - Yes, but I prefer my digital camera.
x. Ever get off the damn computer - Sure, I appreciate fresh air.
x. Habla espanol - I forget.
x. If you could be anywhere, where would you be - making things better with someone.
x. What are you listening to - Collide (love that song)
x. Can you do anything freakish with your body - Hahahaha, I am a freak.
x. Chicken or beef - Chicken!!
x. Do you have a favorite animal? Monkey!
x. Current Clothes - Victoria Secrets silk shorts and candyland t-shirt.
x. Current Mood - thoughtful, kinda sad.
x. Current Music - Collide, I just told you that.
x. Current Taste - Lemon.
x. Current Hair - Various shades of brown
x. Current Annoyance - My tonsils that are the size of testicles.
x. Current Smell - Jasmine Vanilla (I'm clean!)
x. Current thing I ought to be doing - Finishing my manuscript.
x. Current Desktop Picture - Hockey.
x. Current Favorite Band - don't have one.
x. Current Book - reading THE STAND again.
x. Current DVD In Player - Family Guy
x. Current Refreshment - Water.
x. Current Worry -$$$$$!
x. Current Crush - Jeremy...and Andy Chiodo (Nailers play in Johnstown this weekend!)
x. Current Favorite Celebrity - Conan!
x. Drink - Booze wise? Coconut Rum
x. Color - Green
x. Shoes - my sequined flats
x. Candy - Ginger Chews
x. Animal - Rarrrrr!!
x. TV Show - Family Guy
x. Movie - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
x. Dance - Exotic!! oooh-lalala
x. Music - "Pittsburgh Steelers! Pittsburgh Steelers! Pittsburgh Steelers with a baseball bat!"
x. McDonalds or Burger King - BK, but really neither.
x. Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend - perfect friend...because they make good luvers? Dunno.
x. Sweet or sour - Sweet, I'm a wuss with sour things.
x. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper -Dr. Pepper
x. Sappy/action/comedy/horror - Horror! boo!
x. Cats or dogs - Dogs. I'm allergic to cats
x. Ocean or Pool - Ocean
x. Cooler Ranch or Nacho Cheesier - Cooler Ranch
x. Mud or Jell-O wrestling - KY!
x. With or without ice-cubes - With.
x. Shine or rain - Sunshine, it rains too much in Johnstown.
x. Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring - Whenever the weather is best...so...yeah never.
x. Vanilla or Chocolate - Chocolate
x. Snowboarding or skiing - Neither. Sledding.
x. Cake or cookies - Jeremy's nummy cake!
x. Cereal or toast - S'Mores Cereal!
x. Gloves or mittens -Mittens!
x. Eyes open or closed - Depends.
x. Fly or breathe under water - Fly!
x. Bunk bed or water bed - Bunk. Water beds suck.
x. Chewing gum or hard candy - Candy.
x. Motor boat or sailboat - Neither.
x. Lights on or off - On. The dark is creepy.
What's your favorite?
x. Number - 13
x. Holiday - Halloween (Whiskas!)
x. Radio station - 96.1 FREAKSHOW
x. Place - Toronto
x. Flower - these gorgeous orange/red tipped roses that Jeremy gets me and they make me feel special.
x. Scent - Jasmine or Lavender or Lemon.
Have you ever..
x. Drank: Of course.
x. Smoked: yeah, but I hate cigs.
x. Skinny Dipped: I don't remember.
x. Prank called the police: Nope, I'm lame.
x. Been high: Yes
x. Stole: No. I'd get caught.
x. Met someone off the net: Yuppers.
x. Been in a fist fight: more of a cat fight.
others-
x. Do you write in cursive or print?: an odd mix of both.
x. Are you a lefty, righty, or ambidextrous: Righty.
x. Do you believe in God?: Sometimes.
x.
What do you think of rainbows?: That they're perdy.
x. If you could live anywhere else, where would you live? Vancouver.
x. Do you drive?: Yes, all the time.
x. Do you have braces or glasses?: I'm not allowed to drive without my glasses but that's ok because they make me look hot.
x. Like milk and cookies?: Very Much
x. Ever worn black nail polish?: Nah.
x. what color nail polish do you have on?: None
x. If you could have a 6th sense, what would it be?: Telepathy
x. why would you want it?: To be nosy/evil.
x. If you could be invisible for a day what would you do?: Kick a few people who deserve it.
x.
Do you do things even when your parents say no?: I have my own place...so meh.
x. Did you talk to your crush/bf/gf today?: Nope. He's working---I'll talk to him when I see him saturday morning. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Answer this.... WHY DO THEY SELL SEEDED GRAPES?
Seriously, who goes into the store...looks at the grapes and thinks
"gee, I'll get the ones with the crappy, crunchy, annoying seeds". The
only people who buy seeded grapes are people like me who buy them by
mistake.
Which reminds me of something from high school...a friend, Karen, kept
trying to prove to use that banana's didn't have seeds. Hahahahahahaha!
I get to see Jeremy tomorrow. Yea. We're meeting at like 4pm at
Denny's. That's just where we're meeting I don't know if we're actually
going to eat at Denny's. I was thinking maybe I'd actually cook.
Shocking, I know. Or I'm at least going to make pie (peach) because pie
rocks.
We were planning to go see Robots, but I don't think I want to. I think
I just want to go home, crawl into bed, and spend time with each other.
Since, I feel really really crappy---I just feel so much better when
he's around. He makes me laugh and helps me to forget about my mucus
problem....
my tonsils again feel like testicles.
On a totally unrelated and random note: I look totally hot in a
Hogwarts robe. I think they should make a Harry Potter porn rip off and
I could star in it! Hairy Cocker and the chamber of sexy secrets....
damn it that was pretty lame. I'm sure it will come to me later on!
See, this is what happens when there's no hockey.
Last night I had a really strange dream about a friend, Justin, so now I need to e-mail him and talk to him because I miss him.
Although I don't think I'll tell him about my dream. The funniest dream
I ever had about him was I dreamed that I called his house with a
serious confession and that was that I saw his penis. hahahahahaha.
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I'm just a giant ball of mucus. Blah. I'm blowing stuff out of my nose
and I'm having so much drainage and my tonsils are infected again.....
blahhhhhhh. I may be able to get my surgery April 13th, but it will be
in Punxy. If not, I can't get it until May 2nd and that's just not
going to work! Because it's 10 days recovery and I start summer classes
on May 8th or something like that. I may not be a math major but that's
not 10 days.
I'm on antibiotics again because my tonsils are like giant testicles in the back of my throat.
I have been doing *nothing*, absolutely, fucking *nothing*. I've just
been feeling so 'blah', that I just sleep. Once I get this things out
of my throat and my sinuses cleared out I'll be back to my normal sexy,
active,...self. Until then I am just going to stay inside, in bed, and
watch Family Guy---or something.
Pollen season starts soon. No!!!!!!! Although I'm supposed to start on
shots again right after my surgery so hopefully all will be well. My
allergies have been pretty good since I'm a dusting nazi and I stay
away from Kitty's. I was over at my sister's for like 5 minutes before
I wanted to tear my eyes out because they itched so bad...then my
throat gets really itchy and ...I just start to get grumpy then.
So, I did nothing on St. Patty's day. I *wanted* to, but I just didn't have the energy .....and I had too much mucus.
Blah.
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| | Current Music: | Little Less Conversation- ELVIS | | Subject: | HOCKEY! | | Time: | 03:21 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/sexy_sr.gif) flirty |
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| Had a totally hot weekend.
I feel so much better. The surgery dealy? Meh. I need to get it
done---such is life. I'm actually pretty sick again. My throat is
killing me and I'm just totally blah and rundown. I'm probably going to
have to drop my semester, or the majority of my classes. It's either
that or get shitty grades or delay my surgery, get even more sick, and
screw myself all over again.
Now to my fantastic AMAZING weekend.
Jeremy and I decided to go to the Chiefs game last night. Because they
were playing Wheeling and I love watching the Penguins propsects and
they're all realyl good since there's a log jam of talent in the ECHL
and AHL since there is no NHL this year. Also, the Hanson brothers were
going to be there. It was great they came out during the opening
ceremony and dropped the puck then tackled a few people, punched the
goalie, it was hilarious. They did something else during the
intermission and I was standing in line for something and they walked
right by me and said hello, it was like they just stepped right out of
the movie!
Andy Chiodo was in net! Now you guys know that he played in the NHL
last year and lead the Baby Penguins to the AHL finals (where our
hearts were broken). I was there the game that he got into a fight,
seriously one of the best moments in hockey ever! I screamed myself
hoarse!
He played an awesome game in Johnstown and I was cheering for him the
whole time. We're in the 3rd period and Jeremy asks me if I want to go
back to my place (since I live downtown) and get my digital camera. I
was so amazed! He is the coolest boyfriend ever, hahaha. So we ran back
to my place and I got my camera and one of my Penguin's jersey's and we
went back.
The bus just sits right outside of the war memorial. A lot of the
players were just walking back and forth and talking to people. They're
basically my age, 18-23 most of them. So they're really easy to talk
to. I talked to Pascal Morency, who's a really speedy right winger with
great hands. I got my picture taken with him as well.
Well, Andy was already dressed and on the bus. But someone went on the
bus to see if he'd come out and sign an autograph and do a picture and
he did. I was really surprised actually. I mean, most players
wouldn't---at least at the NHL level. (and he is an NHL player)
He signed my Jersey for me, we talked a bit about last years playoffs,
and he took a picture with me. He was totally gracious and
friendly. That's what I love about hockey players, especially the
younger ones---they are so damn approachable. Although I could totally
tell that Morency was a whore. Hahaha he winked at me. Which is a nice
compliment. Jeremy didn't care, he said he couldn't blame him---he's
only human. They play Wheeling one more time at home this year,
April 3rd. I'm going to go again because I love watching Wheeling play.
I couldn't find Cam Paddock after the game. He's going to be amazing.
Ooooh there were a lot of scary girls hanging around
though...rink rats. They apparently follow the team all up and down the
East Coast. And they baked them cookies, I was thinking..."what
the hell?" I'm so glad I'm not obsessive and scary (or ugly or
fat for that matter). It makes me cringe, I mean they're just people
and they're much more likely to talk to you for an extended period of
time if they aren't afraid of you.
So there's me and Andy! It was fucking freezing outside, stupid Johnstown!
Now here's a picture of Jeremy playing video games :-p
And a picture I took while driving (hey, I was stuck behind a plow for about an hour going 7MPH!)
SO Jeremy is offically the best boyfriend ever. Because he let me meet
a guy that I was totally smitten with and this morning he made me
Chocolate Covered Pancakes! He's totally cheered me up about the whole
surgery thing.
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| | Current Music: | Goo Goo Dolls- What do you need. | | Subject: | *rubs eyes* | | Time: | 10:05 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/cold_sr.gif) cold |
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| My house is an ice box.
I don't like mornings.
Nope. Not even a lil bit. Jeremy left awhile ago to go to work....he's
going to have like a 12hr shift today. I feel so bad for him, I mean I
thought this kind of shit was over. But no....it just disappeared for
awhile. *sigh* not even going to get into that really though. I
mean it's not like there's anything that we can do. Such is life. He
totally hates where he is and all he wants to do is get back to school
to finish his degree...but he doesn't want to go under
financially. Yesterday while shopping we were talking about the
job he used to have in Maryland (this was before us, but I know all
about it) and he was talking about how much money it was. And it was,
it was an insane amount of money. But I mean it was really hard,
dangerous work. He used to do something for the cable company in
Baltimore. But I mean, not like...setting up DISH tv. I mean up and
down telephone poles, sledgehammers, such and such and such. The thing
is he was young when he did it and he didn't save anything. He bought a
nice car, went on a bunch of trips.... But I mean, isn't that what all
19-21 year olds would do?
He was talking about how he could easily still do it at 25,
which I mean I know he could. He'd work all day monday-wednesday,
then thursday until they were done. But the thing is I wouldn't want
him driving back up to Johnstown for those days off (thursday-sunday)
because that would probably get old really quick. But he wouldn't want
to live in Baltimore (he just always stayed at a hotel those three
days) and I couldn't move to Baltimore. I don't think I'd want to move
to Baltimore. No...I don't. The next time I move it's going to be for
Grad school (if I go that route) and after that? I'd really like to
move to Canada. In fact I've been looking at a few grad schools in
Canada (mainly in the Vancouver and Toronto reigions)
Tra-lalalala. No point in worrying about things that probably aren't
going to happen. I mean, the odds of him going back to MD are slim. But
the thing is I'm not opposed to it. I mean, it's great fucking money
and then he could go back to the school that he wanted and finish his
schooling. So we shall see.
Thankfully though it isn't getting to me. I mean, this time last year
Jeremy and I weren't doing all that good. The pressure of everything
being so uncertain and hectic really got to us. We realized that we
might not work out. I mean we were *that* close to breaking up. Then we
came to our senses and realized how stupid it would be to end something
just because something might happen down the road. Who cares? This is
here. This is now. And right now, this is where I want to be and this
is who I want to be with. I think that's why we haven't really talked
seriously about engagement (although I know that Jeremy does feel that
way about me)... because I mean yeah an engagement would work
great.....if life was going to stay the way it is. But it isn't. Who
knows. And if we're going to be in a different country location wise
or whatever...who knows. Some people would be able to do that and
that's great. I mean I know that we could do it. But there's a big
difference between the ability to do something and wanting to.
Someone could say, "well then you two don't really love each other",
blah blah blah. Spending your life with someone isn't merely about
being 'in love'. Even the best relationships, romantic or
otherwise, don't work out because life gets in the way.
now that I got that out of my system..............................
Hmmm. Tomorrow we're going to a CHIEFS game. HOCKEY! OMFG HOCKEY! Well,
tomorrow night actually. Before that we're going to go shopping.
Hahahaha FOR REAL this time. I need to get an entertainment center, I
need to get a new dresser, I want a stand for in my bathroom, and
I need something to put stuff in the kitchen. All my cupboards and
shelves are too fucking high up. Seriously I can reach the first shelf,
second shelf... and that's about it. So I have 2 or 3 empty shelves
because I can't reach them I need to be able to organize or else
I'm going to go fucking insane.
When I get all that done I'm going to take pictures. Everything looks
so pretty when it isn't destroyed from the lack of organization......
My bathroom is done in rubberduckies.
My living room is, I don't even know but it's so gorgeous.
And my bedroom is ....erm, gorgeous again? hahahaha.
The kitchen? Meh. I don't go in there. Jeremy is the much better
cook, so he does almost all the cooking. And it isn't because I'm a
shitty cook, because I'm actually prettty good....but he LOVES doing it
and he's better at it. So he can knock himself out with that. You know
what I'm eating right now?
Chocolate Chip Pancakes.
Minus the pancakes....
So yeah, really just a bag of chocolate chips. Hahahahaha. The meal of champions.
Argh, speaking of. Somehow I am now like 11lbs underweight. And Jeremy was not happy.
Bullshit. There is no way I'm 11lbs underweight. I'll say maybe I'm
5lbs or right at my ideal weight. Then he went on that I'm actually
probably more underweight than that, because of my clothes.... blah
blah blah.
Now in reality I did lose a bit of weight. But not because I was
trying! I've just been really sick/rundown since hell, winter break. I
got that sinus infection the day after finals last semster. So.... Dec
17 and I had it really bad until my sister's wedding (Dec 27th). But
then I was put on antibiotics which made it a little bit better.
Although I was still a little sick while I was in Toronto.
Two weeks later I got it again. Antibiotics.
Got it again. And again. And again. I've had it 5 times and the last
time was the nastiest. It went from the sniffles to a fever of like
102... and I went to class (stupid I know, but I HAD TO, I was being
workshopped). And late that Tuesday night I ended up being rushed to
the ER because my fever was over 103. Which is extremely high for an
adult.
I think I'm getting sick again, my tonsils have been swollen for about
2 days now. But I don't have time for this. It's so fucking
frustrating. I might have to drop 2 of my classes. My Doctor told me to
drop the semester, as did the campus nurse (which I found odd). But, I
mean unless I get REAL sick again. There's no way in hell. I'm sick and
tired of being SICK and TIRED. It was like that from the age of
16-18 and it's not going to happen again.
I'm supposed to get surgery to see if my ENDO is back. I don't think it
is to be honest. Now, I know about 2 months ago I had a cyst that
ruptured but for the most part I think the therapy I went through
really worked. And Yasmin (BC pill) has really made me feel great, 98%
of the time. I can deal with the occasional cyst and vomiting. It
doesn't bother me. What does bother me is the idea of someone poking
around my ovaries/uterus. I know it's an issue of fertility but I don't
CARE. I don't want to get pregnant until I'm around 30...and if I
can't? Then that's the card I was dealt. Such is life.
So yeah, Jeremy's really worried about my weight. *sigh* Or rather he
doesn't want me to lose anymore. Nor do I. Actually I didn't want to
lose this weight. But if I lose another 5lbs I'm going to have to buy
some new clothes from the skinny crackwhore department.
Oh, I hate it when my mind is consumed by stupid things.
And it's still freezing in here.
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| | Current Music: | Green Day: She's a Rebel | | Subject: | No! | | Time: | 02:47 pm |
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| No my sweeties, I'm not dead. Just ill again.
Alright, I don't call it 'sick' because I don't have the flu or
anything like that. I don't know what it is....but I know it's sinus
related. It's the same thing that kicked my ass over Christmas, for my
sister's wedding, when I was in Niagara and Toronto and the other 3
times I've had it since then. It's just some wicked bad sinus infection
and it's really running me down.
Last monday I went to my night class with a high fever....I mean I had
to go. Then the next day I promised my mom I'd go to student health
center. The woman tested me for mono and strep, both negative. She was
really surprised that I didn't have mono---so she told me I had to see
someone.
I go back to DuBois because I had an appointment the
next day. I was supposed to get a scratch test (so I can start shots
again) but I had to cancel that since I had a fever. Jeremy was going
to come with me but I told him not to worry about it. I go to bed
pretty early that night and my temp is normal for me, which is
around 97.
An hour later I wake up and I'm freezing. So cold
that my muscles keep tensing so I'm thinking "this is great"...I knew
my fever was back. Eventually I get up to take a hot bath since that's
the only thing that warms me up. Well, I take off my clothes and my
skin on my shoulders/back is bright red. I have a rash on my stomach
and arms/legs. Fuck.
I wake my mom up, by this time I'm pretty much out of it. My fever is
103 and keeps going up. We get ahold of someone and they say take me to
the hospital.
I don't remember much of that, except that I felt
like I was melting. They ran a bunch of tests and spent forever trying
to get my fever to break--which it finally did. I had a viral throat
infection and tonsilitus.
TONSILITUS? What am I, 8? I've never had that in my whole life. The ER
doctor told me it wasn't normal and that I had to see someone. So the
next day I finally get into my allergist. He sends me for a CAT scan to
see what's going on up in my sinuses and to make sure that there was no
swelling since my fever got so damn high that night. Then they did a
bunch of blood work because they want to run some tests on my immune
system.
So I'm not 'sick' as in the flu....I'm just really run down and
uncomfortable. I'm constantly congested and it's just really
annoying---that's the only way I can explain it. So everyone shut up
with the "You're always sick" I'm not sick---I'm just fucking broken.
__________________________________________________________________________
Jeremy's been in a *mood*. I can totally understand though, so I
haven't taken it personally. It's his job. He just feels that
he's stuck in a rut (which he is). He's quitting, getting a different
job... he said welding. See, Jeremy is certified because he took
classes so he could do sculptures and such. BUT he also understands all
the basics/mechanics of it so he can work in that field.
It's extremely good paying and a full time job. I guess he's going to
do that so he can save up $$$ because he wants to go back to school to
finish his fine art degree. Which I think totally rocks. He has too
much talent to waste.
Oh, isn't the pot calling the kettle black? I should talk about wasting
talent.... BUT I have been writing again guys and I'm starting to
submit to agents again.
Jeremy's working on a picture for me---something from Alice in Wonderland it's going to be rockin.
I'm going to see him on Wednesday, well....at like 11pm when he gets
off work. I have classes all day on Thursday---but we'll think of
something. I'd like to catch a CHIEFS game, see how the boys are
doing---then maybe head up to Shannigans after the game, most the
players go up there after the game and I mean they are my age----
interested girls? :)
My heart is sick from the lack of HOCKEY :(
________________________________________________________________
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